Vicki Kallman’s Blog

Before I give you Simple Secret #1 , I wanted to talk a little bit about joy and happy. In one of my dictionaries, the definition of “joy” is a very happy feeling; great pleasure; delight. That same dictionary said that “happy” was a feeling or showing pleasure or joy; glad; content. Happy was in joy and joy was in happy. They seem to be synonymous.

However, I feel there is a subtle difference in them. “Happy” is involves more of our heads/thinking, while “joy” is a deep down heart-felt emotion. Joy is more physical and happy is more cerebral. When I feel joy, I seem to want to “jump for joy”. I also feel happy is more fleeting and joy stays vibrating through our bodies much longer. It is as though we are rediscovering who we really are when we feel joy. Happy seems to come and go much quicker. Do not get me wrong, I love happy as much as the next person. I believe being happy can lead you to your joy and your true self. I hope these 7 Simple Secrets will guide you to your heart-felt joy by way of your happiness.

In Joy,

Vicki

“Love is giving someone the Space to be who they are and who they are not.” – W. Erhart

My story begins as a typical little girl born in the early fifties. I dreamt of growing up, getting married, and having a loving family. You know, the “happily ever after” dream so many of us have. I was born third of four children. My childhood was typical for the times. My mother had the role of raising the four kids and my father was the breadwinner. He was career Air Force and, like any “lifer”, he was gone a lot. We did not have a lot of money, but, like mothers of that era, mine was still able to be home with us most of the time. But, other than that, we were happy even with our moments of dysfunction, as I believe all families have in one degree or another.

In December of 1974, I met my husband, Rod. He was a senior at the U.S. Air Force Academy and on Christmas Break. After a 9-month courtship, we were married at the Academy Chapel on September 6, 1975. Then, we were off to his pilot training base in Columbus, Mississippi. Being the classic military types, we moved every 2 to 3 years for over 20 years. It was a good but hectic life.

After 2 years of marriage, I had my first son while we were stationed in Tucson, Arizona. After we moved to South Korea, I had a few health problems. The American doctors in Seoul said that I would not be able to have another child because of complications due to a surgery. With this news, we decided to adopt a 10-month-old Korean baby girl. Yet, after we returned to the States a year later, I became pregnant with my second son. So much for not being able to get pregnant again. I raised my children pretty much as my parents had raised my siblings and myself. Of course, I changed a few things. But, overall, I instilled the same values in my children that my parents had instilled in me.

In the early years, I loved being a Mom. I loved watching my children learn to walk, go to their first day of school, throw their first ball, and having their wonderful life experiences. I did not mind kissing their booboos and being there for them. To this day when my children come to visit, my heart soars.

Everything was going along pretty well until my adopted daughter turned 13 years old. Now, we knew she was different. We chalked it up to her being Korean and an introvert in a Caucasian family of extroverts. She always seemed to have trouble emotionally connecting and understanding others (children and adults).

She was a talented student in elementary school. However, when she started middle school, her social anxieties increased to the point where she could not attend school. Then, the depression set in. I had never been around anyone with emotional problems. This was all new territory for my husband and I. We took her to the doctors and they told us that they thought she was having these problems because she was adopted. They prescribed medication and regular visits to child counselors. This went on for over 8 years. When she started attending high school, the paralyzing anxieties escalated and then she needed to be hospitalized.

What was I doing during this time? I was doing everything to make everyone happy. I still had two sons to take care of. By this time, my husband was a squadron commander at Nellis Air Force Base in Las Vegas, Nevada. I was being pulled in so many different directions. My daughter needed constant care. No matter what I did to try to make her feel better, nothing worked. I became physically and emotionally exhausted. This was not the “happily ever after” dream I had planned on. The dream turned in to a nightmare.

Where did I go wrong? I gave and gave to my family. I did what my mom had done, but the rules seemed to be changing. Nothing seemed to work. Luckily, my husband and I have a strong bond or we might not have made it through those trying years.

When I first became a mother, I felt I was supposed to give my all to my family. I was counted on to fix all my children’s problems, be all knowing, and, in return, my children were supposed to be happy and full of joy. After experiencing a depressed child, I realized I had a lot to learn when it came to being an effective, loving, and joyful parent.

After trying to control my world and getting crappy results, I started looking at what made me happy. I decided to start working on myself. I took personal growth seminars, read books, and found things that gave me joy. Being open to change myself allowed me to grow into a more conscious being. The more fulfilled I became, the less drama we had in our family. When I started to feel better, my daughter and my family did better. I discovered during this time that the more I had tried to fix my daughter, the more she stayed broken. Therefore, I was a big part of the problem.

Once I started working on myself, on her own she discovered, at the age of 23 years old, that she was born with the condition called Asperger Syndrome. It is a high-functioning form of Autism. The light that we saw at the end of the tunnel was no longer an on-coming train. It was the light that guided us out of years of frustration and heartache. Finally, we understood her limitations and strengths as well as our own. Today, she is happily married and like all of us, she is living life doing the best she can.

In this book, I will share with you these 7 Secrets that I discovered along the path of my own self-discovery. Discovering these secrets and implementing them has shown me how I can have my “happily ever after” dream come true. Because I have learned to manage myself first, I have my 30-plus-year marriage, my children and my grandchildren which all add to my joy. I know for sure that if I had not worked on myself and changed the way I responded to my world, my dream of “happily ever after” would not have become a reality.

copyright 2007 by Vicki Kallman

For My Readers:

After several years of editing and re-editing my book, It Begins With You, 7 Simple Secrets to Your Family’s Joy , I have decided to put a condensed version of the book on my blog. I was not ready to do the whole publishing and promoting the book thing. However, after much thought, I felt I wanted to get my message out and not wait any longer.

I hope the messages resonate with you. I wrote them from a place of love. I believe we all would like to have more joy and happiness in our families, however, we do not know how to make that happen. Families do not come with joy manuals! To increase the level of joy and happiness in your family, it only takes one member to implement the 7 Simple Secrets. So, when you read this online book, you may find a few things you can do to create more joy for you and your family. It’s your choice!

If you are reading this blog, I believe you are ready to learn that your family’s joy starts with your joy. And, you are ready to know that your joy is contagious. Your family will benefit greatly by catching the joy that you are experiencing. You may come to a Secret that you do not agree with - that is OK. Please keep on reading and finish all of the chapters. Who knows? Maybe, one of these secrets is the one that will lead you to the peace and joy you deserve.

You will notice at the end of each chapter that there is a journaling exercise. If you want to get the most out of this book, purchase a journal and do the exercises at the end of each chapter. After reading all of the 7 Secrets, doing the exercises, and journaling, you have learned to respond differently to your world. Thus, creating more joy for yourself and your world.

I will be adding one chapter at a time to give you time to digest each chapter and journal your thoughts and experiences.

If, in the end, you only use one of the Simple Secrets in your life, this is fine. Use what works for you. Changing your response to life is not easy. Your level of joy is directly related to how you respond to every situation in which you find yourself. It is very rewarding and worthwhile. It was for me.

I am presenting these Secrets from a mother’s point of view to show you that you have choices in every area of your life to be happy or not. However, you do not need to be a mother to get the benefit from the Secrets. If you are a daughter, uncle, father, grandparent or the like, these Secrets will also work for you.

As a life coach, seminar facilitator and friend, I have introduced these 7 Simple Secrets to hundreds of people. Those who were ready to listen and implemented these words of wisdom have had the most amazing and joyful results. My hope for you is that you have more joy for you, more joy for your family, and lastly, more joy in your world.

In Joy,
Vicki

Recently I was reminded of one the greatest secrets to living a joyful life. It happened a couple of days ago. It was at Hayhouse’s “I Can Do It” pre conference workshop here in Las Vegas. There were several workshops to pick from to attend. I chose to attend Byron Katie’s Workshop. She (yes she) wrote the amazing book, Loving What Is. A few years ago while on a trip with a friend we listened to that book on tape. I really enjoyed listening to the way she interacted with the people she supported. She also uses a series of questions to bust at an untrue thought –which was somewhat like the Sedona Method technique I taught several years ago. At that time, I promised myself, if I ever had the chance to go to one of her workshops I would attend. Even though I knew what to expect I was quite excited to watch her in action, so my heart skipped a beat when I walked into the room last Friday morning.

Katie was warm and humorous as I remembered from her book on tape. The lovely lady that sat next me commented on Katie –“Have you ever noticed that people that are enlightened seem so peaceful and beautiful.” I had to agree Katie was all of those things. I thought to myself- Hey that is who I would like to be when I grow up and out of my EGO! HA! That is what “the work” has done for Katie. “The Work” is what she calls her process of busting those untrue thoughts that cause all our suffering. She helps you get to the point of choosing not to suffer by busting all our dark, unproductive, untrue thoughts. She did “the work” with several of the attendees. Let me tell you when most of the individuals worked with her there was definitely more laughing then crying. Busting an untrue suffering thought is quite freeing – along with the freedom comes the joy of not having that untrue miserable stuff in one’s mind. I saw it over and over again. A mind not full of untrue misery causing thoughts can be free to be in the now where all our joy really lives.

Katie was so insightful and compassionate. Her main message was to STOP BELIEVING YOUR OWN THOUGHTS!. The worst thing that can happen to us is our thoughts. WOW! As Katie did “the work” I saw that to be so true. She even worked with a woman that had been continually abused by her mother 55 years earlier. This woman was so full of anxiety she could not sleep or have a happy moment in her life. Those thoughts about being afraid of her now deceased mother continue to terrorize. Once she busted those negative thoughts that were true for her 55 years ago but were not true now. The tearful woman actually laughed and whole face changed from being constricted and harsh to soft and peaceful.

One of Katie’s insights that really resonated with me was this statement. One of the greatest secrets to a joyful life is “to want what you already have”. I love that statement because one of my own mantras is “to BE in my have and acknowledge what I have and enjoy it” I know when I in that place – my life is full of joy- I am peaceful and grateful.

A few years ago my husband and I took an amazing romantic vacation to Mexico to our time-share, which is a lovely 5 star hotel. The scary thing about that vacation was-it almost did not happen. We had not used our time-share points in a few years my husband- thought that since we were not using it, we should sell. He looked into selling and discovered that we would get pennies on the dollar for the place. At that moment he thought that buying the time-share had been the worse financial decision he had ever made. Discouraged he came to me to complain about be taking advantage of when we bought it. He hates it when as a smart intelligent person he thinks he has been ripped off. I saw the pain he was in and said. “Instead of complaining about the place why don’t we book a week and go.” He looked at me very surprised as though why hadn’t I thought of that. He then turned and left the room saying nothing more. About a half hour later – he walked into the kitchen were I was and happily proclaimed that – We were going to Mexico in April – yep he had a book a week on the oceanside of the property. I was elated and so was he. Right then and there – we both were being in our have- and wanted what we already had. We had such fun and joy on that vacation. Since then when we use or let family members use the time-share every year. And when we visit the property – he no longer thinks it to be the worse financial decision of his life – he believes to be the best! He busted the painful untrue thought that he had been ripped off and got to experience the place for what it really was a paradise and a true gift that keeps on giving us joy. In doing, so he got to experience wanting what he already had. So wanting what you already have and being in your have- can produce what I feel everyone wants a happy, joyful life.

What untrue thoughts are rolling around in your head that are not giving your joy? Like- I should be smarter. My body is unattractive. I am a failure. My father was cruel. I’ll never find a love like that again. My mother did not love me. My spouse needs to change. My boss is a jerk You get the picture. If those untrue thoughts that have been running your life in a direction you do not want to go. If you are interested in busting your painful thoughts and learning more about Byron Katie, go to her website, www.thework.org . See if you can bust out of those old unproductive thoughts in doing so you can positively change yourself and maybe the world! Then write me and tell me your story- I love to hear joyful stories!

Easter is in a few days. Here in Las Vegas we have already had 90 degrees temperatures and our back yards are in full bloom. Everyday now the park across the street from my house is full of families and their pets having a great time. We even have a few soccer teams practicing in the evening in the park. This time of the year everything seems to come alive- I love seeing couples taking an evening stroll around the nieghborhoods. For me this is the best part about living in Las Vegas-it is not the gambling and craziness of the Strip. There is so much to enjoy away from the Strip.

In June or sooner the temperatures will hit the century mark and all the outside activity will slow down for a few months. Like the bear in the winter the Las Vegas natives hibernate in doors staying cool with their AC. Then by September we all venture out again. The fall is amazing here. If you wish, you can go to the mountains to watch the leaves change. My Ash tree in my front yard does not change colors and drop its leaves until December. It only stays dormant until March and then it is green again. That is the magic of living in the desert.

I have traveled the world and lived in a few foreign countries and I can honestly say the sunsets in Las Vegas are some of the most beautiful in the world. I am proud to say that Las Vegas is my home.

If you plan on visiting Las Vegas - come in the spring or the fall you will not be disappointed!

Happy Easter,
In Joy,
Vicki

Imagine for a moment that you start your morning with high energy and ready for anything and you did it without stopping at your local Starbucks for that caffeine or sugar hit. Many of you may say it is impossible because you need that coffee to function in the morning. I say you have trained your body to need that caffeine or sugar hit in the morning. You have created a belief system or addiction that says you cannot start your day without it. Every morning when I drive past any of the many Starbucks in Las Vegas - I see long lines of cars in their drive ups- so I know that there are alot you caught up in that belief.

Why pick on Starbucks? Actually I can say it about any coffee shop that is making a profit from your belief that you need some outside stimulus to give you energy and clarity in the morning or through the day. Think for a minute, what if you could get the same energy burst every day without that costly caffeine or sugar hit, how would that change your life for the better?

First off, look at the economical side. It would save you several hundreds dollars a year- face it those over $3 drinks add up quickly. Just think conservatively, you go to get your fix a least 20 mornings a month — 3×20=$60 $60 x 12= $720. Now if you found a free way to get that energy, think about what you could spend that money on. Maybe after saving what you normally would spend on that trip to your local Starbucks for a year- you could take your family on a trip like Disneyland or take your spouse on a romantic getaway. Maybe this could lead you to have more money and feel more joy in your life. Doesn’t everyone want more of those things in your lives? How empowering would that be?

That brings me to the second way driving on by a Starbucks could have positive impact on your life. You would no longer give away your power to a tall coffee. Why depend on an outside source for your start of your day? What would happen tomorrow if all the Starbucks’ doors would close forever and you could not ever have another super double chocolate latte with whip cream? What would you do? Would you jump to another costly morning ritual to replace it or would you decide to empower yourself and try something free that could never closes? Don’t you think it is time to take back your power? When one feels empowered they are opened to have more joy in their lives. Isn’t it time you had more joy in your life?

The third way skipping that morning Starbuck’s ritual could have a positive change in your life, is it would save you time in the morning for more important things. How many of you say I just don’t have enough time in the day? For those of you that go through the drive ups or get in line inside, have you ever figured on how much time it takes for you to get the morning energy drink? Next time you are in line in your car or in person- time how long does it takes from the moment you pull off the road to enter the parking lot or drive up to the moment you pull back on the road. I would guess it is from 10 to 30 minutes, maybe longer. You might say that you gave yourself time to stop and get that venti buzz drink. Have ever thought about a better use of that time? For example, wouldn’t your child enjoy that extra 10 to 30 minutes with you in the morning?- What message are you sending your children when you put your coffee first? How about your spouse? Or maybe you could use that time in the morning to do something just for you that gives you more joy and energy then a trip to Starbuck’s. Free up those precious moments!

The fourth reason that ditching your Starbucks habit or need -it could have a positive change your life. That is in the area of your health. Yes, there is research out there that says having a cup of coffee a day can be good for you. There is also research out there that says obesity and diabetes is on the rise in America. Now I am not saying the Starbuck’s coffee is making Americans fat and sick, however many of you Starbuck junkies make your first food or drink in the morning your super calorie filled latte, frappuccino or sugar-filled iced coffee. Or you grab a muffin or another pastry with your Starbucks drink in the morning. It is only common sense that dumping that much sugar and caffeine into your system on an empty stomach that time in the morning just can not be good for you. I would suspect about an hour after your have had your drink and muffin the buzz will be gone. Then you would probably feel worse or need to have another high calorie caffeine hit of some kind to make it through the day. What a vicious circle! Don’t they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day? Just ask your doctor. Hey, maybe you could lose a few inches around your waistline if you just drove right on by your local Starbucks in the morning. I believe when one is finally fitting into those special jeans in one’s closet- one is usually feeling healthier and experiencing more joy.

Are you ready to let go of that morning coffee ritual? Are ready to take control over your life and be more joyfully for free? It will only take a few minutes a day. Here are a few suggestions that might support releasing the habit. I dare you to try them and let me know what you think.

Now please pick a few items to do everyday for 30 days and see the change in you. Change your beliefs. Now if that Starbuck closed your world would not end. Remember we never need an outside stimulus to give us energy or give you joy-it is an inside job. Become empowered. Trust yourself! Put yourself back in the driver’s seat and Drive on by!

Have a wonderful day and let me know what you think of my article.
Vicki

This weekend my youngest son and I ventured away from the desert up to the beautiful and serene mountains outside of Las Vegas to catch a glimpse of the Aspens in full fall colors. As we reached the elevation around 6000 feet- the temperature dropped and there was a definite chill in the air –yes, were were finally entering the autumn experience that we were there to embrace. When we approached the patches of golden Aspens, we noticed that we had missed the “big change” of color- many of the Aspen had already shed their golden fleeces. About 70% of the Aspen had surrendered - their leaves had already turned the beautiful colorful hues. They were now left naked and exposed to the elements with only dried, dull golden leaves in piles at the base of their white trunks. A part of me wished I had made the trip a week or two earlier. (Note to self make the trip at the end of September next year.) After I let go of that missed opportunity, I began to appreciate the few beautiful stubborn tree that were still holding tight to their bright yellow, silver dollar-shaped leaves not ready to surrender and be part of the “Big Change”.

I had to laugh when I realized that many of us are stubborn and resistant to change just like the trees that had not quiet complied with Mother Nature’s plan. Of course by this time next week, it will be hard to find an Aspen that still has a golden leaf on it- change will come - change is inevitable just ask the Aspens in the fall. Like the Aspens, down deep we know we must change to grow. Some of us embrace change and trust the universe and all it’s knowledge and others go kicking down the path of transformations.

As a life coach, I experience many clients that are not happy with their work or personal lives and stay stuck in those environments that do not give them what they want out of their lives. Like many of us they fear change or the unknown. It is amazing that we stay stuck in business or personal relationships that are crappy instead moving on. If what we know is not what we say we want, then what do we have to lose by changing. We must close the doors on our pasts and look around for new doors to enter that can give us the joy, love, and abundance that we all seem to want. Just like the game show. The Price is Right we must see our options or doors and chose one and walk in to receive the grand prize. If we stay in the audience afraid of what is behind the doors - we lose all the way around. No grand prize!

Next Spring when I travel to the mountains again and walk through the Aspens, most of them will have grown taller and their branches will be thicker full of green silver dollar-shaped leaves. None of this could have occurred without the Aspens embracing their changes in the fall and spring. However, I am sure I will find a few late bloomers that are comfortable with their leafless branches and not ready to change. However, they will have to grow their leaves or die. That is a harsh reality- I am sure you have walked in the mountains in the summer and seen the leafless trees and you know they are dead- they did not get on board with the change - that got stuck in their nakedness and that did not serve them.

We have alot to learn from Mother Nature. First of all change is inevitable, just ask the Aspens. Like the Aspens we can easily surrender to the changes around us or hold on tight to what we know and hopefully, eventually change. It is up to you. You can do it the hard way or the easy way. You know what happens if you don’t change- just ask the leafless Aspen next summer.

I hope you all embrace the changes that come your way this fall. When you do, enjoy your grand prize!

IN JOY,
Vicki

Dear Readers,

I have spent most of the summer traveling and enjoying life. I plan writing several blogs about my travels in the upcoming days. I feel really blessed to have had such wonderful and amazing experiences.

I am grateful to have the freedom to travel and enjoy myself were ever I go. One of the ah ha’s I felt while on these adventures was that there is really is a direct correlation between freedom and joy. In these last few months, I reaffirmed that letting go and being just me– allowed me the freedom to be in joy. I really felt the freedom and joy connection. It really is a choice to let go and be free. As Lester Levinson, the founder of the Sedona Method, always said, “Our goal in life is to be imperturbable.” That is nothing that can bother or perturbe us, ie freedom and all that wonderful stuff that goes along with freedom. And if nothing is bothering us then we have the freedom to enjoy life! Just let go of the heavy emotions to feel and be in the lighter and higher emotions.

I hope you enjoy my upcoming blogs. Feel free to comment on them if you wish.

Until then. “Let go and flow to your joy!”

In Joy,

Vicki

“The best you can is good enough!” That goes for everything in life. There is really no room in our lives for guilt. There is no room in our lives for second guessing decisions. There is no room in our lives for Monday morning quarterbacking. All these actions rob you from being in the present moment. If your goal in life is to feel joy, then you must let go of the guilt, second guessing, and Monday morning quarter backing in your life and practice being in the present moment. Being in the present moment helps you remember who you are– a whole perfect, complete person and enough!

I know this is easier said then done because there are so many outside forces telling us that we must be guilt and all. Sometimes these outside forces from our love ones which really gives us amnesia hence, we forget who we are. Many of these outside forces come from the TV, magazines, and, of course, our peers. We can not stop the world from screaming, “you are not enough!” but we can stop believing what they say.

In Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, “The Four Agreements” his fourth agreement he shares with us is “Do the best you can!” He states in his book that the best you can changes from day to day- hour to hour- if you acknowledge that you do the best you can then you have no regrets- no guilt- no second guessing- no quarterbacking! in return you are able to have alot of joy.

I believe there are many people that have grasped this concept and have created a joyful and successful life with it. Do you know anyone that does not listen to the outside forces that they are not enough? How do you know they are not listening? What attributes do they have that identifies them? I believe their attitudes displays their “I am enough beingness”! They are joyful, confident, focused, secure, courageous, happy, laugh alot and on purpose. They seem to remember they are whole perfect and complete and do not get catch up in the dramas of life. They stay out of the illusion that they are not enough. They listen to the little voice inside them saying you are enough and mute out the outside world screaming-You are not Enough!” How do they mute this noise- they trust that small powerful voice coming from within- they know it is coming from their truth. This truth place keeps them in the present moment thus they do not get confused with the facts of the past or future. You know we really only have is NOW. They take life one day at a time and one moment at a time. We can really learn by watching these mentors.

Practice “the best you can is enough” by taking time for yourself and acknowledge all the wonderful things you have done and have accomplished in your life. Acknowledge the best you can changes from day to day. Be kind to yourself when those not enough feeling begin to crept into your thoughts. Let go of the guilt. Let those unproductive lies go! You might want to find an affirmation that supports you in being in the present moment and that I am enough place. You might want to hold still and listen to what that voice is saying and trust it! Remember it is coming from the truth not the ego or the illusion. Wouldn’t it be better to trust yourself other then the outside world- who wants you to be happy and successful more them or you? Think about it.

So believing -”The best you can is good enough!”, will afford you a life that will give you joy and purpose. Isn’t that what you really want anyway!

The next time you get a message from outside yourself - letting you know the best you can is not good enough- mute it- and listen to that little voice inside of you whispering this powerful message from your truth-”The best you can is good enough.” And continue to flow to your joy! And have a great day in the NOW!!

Try living your life with this affirmation- “The best I can is good enough.”- and let me know how it goes for you. I plan on doing this all week - I will let you know how it is working!

Love and Joy,
Vicki

Have you wondered how some people are always joyful and it seems that everyone around them seems to be full of joy when they are around them? You might say they were just born that way or they are full of joy because they are lucky. I feel that they choose to be joyful- in return they attract joyful people.

Just like my last entry this has to do with the Universal Law of Attraction. “You attract to your life whatever you give your energy, focus, and attention to, whether wanted or unwanted.”

If you want to be surrounded by joyful people you must give your energy, focus, and attention to joy and positive relationships. I have known many women that say that they want to be in a loving, joyful relationship however alot of them had negatived unhealthy past relationships which were the opposite of what they said they wanted. However, when they tell me what they do not want and they put attention and focus on what they do not want. And you guessed it they attract that same kind of man to their lives. When this happens these gals can have 4 to 6 marriages under their belts and never get how to have a joyful and positive relationship. Of course they did not want that result but they attracted it again!! Do you know anyone like that- or can you see this vicious cycle being played out in your own life? By the way, this is not just something that happens to women. The law of attraction works with men, too.

Isn’t it time you used the law of attraction to attract what you want instead of what you do not want in a relationship? Isn’t it time to put your energy, focus, and attention to what you to want? Are you ready to learn how to do that?

Before I get to that- let me tell you a story about some one I know personally that used “the law” to get that joyful relationship she wanted. After high school she started dating. For about 6 years the type of men she attracted were professionals and looked good on the surface but once she got to know them they were very controlling and some had dark pasts. Finally she realized that if she was creating and attracting these unhappy relationships. She decided to take a break from dating for over a year to decide what she wanted out of a relationship. She told me one day- “I finally realized that I had the power to attract what I did not want in a relationship- I could have the power to attract what I wanted in a relationship.” She said it was like the light finally came on. She finally realized that she did not have to be the victim of what she did not want- instead she could be responsible for her own happiness. The choice was hers. She had spent that year feeling better about herself and getting clear on what she wanted in a relationship. She became more joyful and confident during that time. And about a year after she had that revelation- she met a man that gave her joy. Soon they will be celebrating their one year anniversary.

Like I mentioned in my last blog entry- our thoughts are energy and what we think about is what we bring about. So if you wish to have a joyful relationship you have to have joyful and positive thoughts about what you want in a relationship.

To help you in attracting what you want in a relationship first write down everything you do not want in a relationship or mate. Sometimes it is easier to write what you do not want then what you want- so start there. After you have done that. Then on another piece of paper write down what you want by referring to the first list of what you do not want and just writing the opposite of you don’t want. Like this - if you put on your don’t want list- some the is a workaholic- then on your want list- someone that balances work and home life. Are you getting the jest of it? After you make the list want in a relationship list then focus on it. Keep it in a place you can see and read it everyday- a screen saver works well. It really is that simple. Then you have to to be open to receive this relationship in your life. You have to feel good enough to receive it. Like doing things you like and filling yourself up with good feelings. Try saying “I am good enough to receive this wonderful relationship”. Learn to let go of those old thought processes- replace the negative ones with positive ones. When you change and feel on top of the world many more doors open for you. Keep those doors open so that wonderful relationship can walk in- and you must stay open yourself to know when he or she has walked in.

So no longer feel that you are destined to have unfulfilling relationships- you can change - first know what you want and second stay open to receive it by being more positive and loving of yourself and the world.

Remember attracting a joyful relationship starts with you and your thoughts and your wants! Be joyful and receive joyful.

Do you attract joyful relationships or crappy ones? Let me know what has worked for you and what has not?

In Joy,
Vicki