Simple Secret #6 “Let Go of your Draining Dramas and Make Room for your Delightful Dreams!
Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times it takes much more strength to know when to let go—and then do it. Ann Landers
It was 1997. I was having a really bad, drama-filled year. During that time, one crappy thing after another was happening to my family or to me. It started with my beloved father-in-law having major surgery and my daughter’s attempt to take her own life as a result of her chronic depression. And, that was only in the first two weeks! I do not want to bore you with the other draining dramas that plagued me that year. I was frustrated and exhausted from being so wrapped up in all the drama. However, by December 31, 1997, I had had enough!
That is when something amazing happened. I remember it clearly as if it were yesterday. It was nearly midnight on that New Year’s Eve. 1997 was about to come to a close. My husband was not coming home from a trip until the next day and the kids were with friends to ring in the New Year. I was in my home by myself. I was sitting in my old, comfy recliner in my living watching TV waiting for midnight. I dozed off and began to dream about the past year, which had been so full of stress and heartache. When I suddenly opened my eyes and stood up and proclaimed out loud for the world to hear. “That is it, God. No more! I do not want another horrible year like this year ever again in my life. God, No More!” And you know, so far, God has granted me my wish!
At that moment I felt a shift happen inside me. I believe that life- changing moment was the catalyst that launched me on my journey of self-discovery and to uncovering all the other Secrets. I knew at that moment that I wanted no more drama. However, I needed the tools to support me in letting go of those draining dramas in my life so that I could make room for my delightful dreams again.
Family dramas are so addictive. Like a drug addict, I had to hit rock bottom. Only from that low place could I finally see that it was time to do something different and be open to see the path to positive change. While open, I was able to discover and put in to practice the first five Simple Secrets. It took me a few years though. My journey was like the old Zen Buddhism proverb, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” At different times I was ready for different messages. So, do not be hard on yourself if you do not feel ready for all of the Simple Secrets at once. Work with the ones you are comfortable with, the ones you resonate with, and then reread these blog entries again at another date.
Why are most of us hooked on dramas? I believe it must be human nature to be so. My goodness. How many hours do we sit in front of the TV watching the nightly drama unravel on our favor shows? How much money do we spend each year going to the movies? Look how much an actor makes to play out those dramas. I believe that we are born “drama junkies”. There is an excitement attached to it all. Some times we get our identity from the drama. “I have drama in my life therefore, I exist.” It is though if we did not have dramas to take care of-then what would we do? I believe that I was caught up in all that thinking for years. Not a great way to be.
I once shared with a friend of mine Simple Secret #1, “The Only Job You Have Is To Manage Yourself and Mind Your Own Business”. She thought for a moment and asked me how she could do that in a particular situation with her brother. She was very upset by the situation that her brother was in. I explained to her what minding your own business and not rescuing someone looks like. First, listen and see if it directly involves you. Second, ask if you can do anything to help him, and then Shut Up! Be quiet and listen to what he has to say. Most of the time the person wants you to do nothing but listen. She looked at me with a slight grin and exclaimed, “But that would be so boring!” We both laughed. I continued to explain to her that in the beginning you might feel that way. However, in the end, your life can be a lot more exciting when you are out of everyone else’s drama. You are free to explore your own thrilling adventures when you are not tied down to someone else’s stuff!!
I do not believe that you have to hit rock bottom to know that you need to learn to respond differently to your family’s dramas. I hope you see that you must learn to let go of these draining dramas that have held you back from really having the wonderful life you deserve. Have you ever noticed that dreams and dramas have all the same letters but one? Just remove the last “a” in drama and add the letter “e” in front of the first “a” and you have your dream. Just a simple shift like that in your life can make all the difference in your world.
Dramas are only obstacles to being happy and realizing your dreams. How many times have you said, “I will be happy when…..” Or “I will be happy when he stops drinking and gets a job.” Or “I will be happy when my daughter finally passes that math class”? There are many excuses like that which stop us from being happy NOW. I am sure you have heard and know them all. Those are the family dramas that hinder many of us. Delay your happiness no more. Decide today to “kick the drama addiction”. You are just a decision away from your dreams.
Every family has an entertaining “drama” queen or king that loves to rule. So, you might feel that it may be hard to shift yourself out of being in their dramas. Now, for the good news. I have shown you that you have a choice to do something else. You have this book on this blog and you can do something different and achieve better results. Life will become a lot easier. If you are minding your own business, you cannot be sucked into any family drama. If you are controlling nothing but how you respond to the drama, you cannot be dragged into it. If you are supporting that family member and not rescuing them, you cannot be drained by the situation. If you love yourself and are receiving all the good the universe has for you then, those dramas cannot take hold of you. In the end, you will have the energy to accept the drama conditions and move on. Wow, what would happen then? Maybe you would finally have room to step-back and watch your delightful dreams come true. By stepping back and doing that for you, you are allowing that loved one to step forward and maybe get closer to their dreams, too. It is amazing how that works.
After months of staying out of your family’s dramas, you may find yourself being pulled into a drama or two and they are getting in the way of your joy. Then, I suggest you step-back and ask yourself these questions to get yourself back on track, making room for your delightful dreams.
JOY SECRET 6 STEP-BACK QUESTIONS:
1. Have I had enough drama, yet?
2. Is my happiness dependant upon someone else?
3. What if I had no problems/dramas in my life right now, what would I be doing and how would I feel?
4. Whose business is it anyway?
At some level, we want our family to be happy. Most of us have had that dream at one time or another. When I got married, that was my dream a happily-ever-after one. For many years, the dramas of my life detoured me from realizing that dream. Please don’t let your family’s dramas do the same to you. Now, do you dare to imagine something different–a joyful life for you and your family? If that is hard to imagine at this time, then the next Simple Secret will wake you up to the endless possibilities.
copyright 2007 Vicki Kallman