Simple Secret #4 “Love Yourself First, and the Rest Will Follow!” Part 2
Continued from Part 1
Imagine for a moment that you have let go of wanting to control your loved one’s. You are managing yourself. You are now loving yourself and you are lovingly supporting them. What kind of pebble have you dropped in your family’s pond? Close your eyes for a moment and visualize what your life and family would be like when you drop that “loving yourself” pebble in their pond. Do you feel your heart open up as you visualized the effects of that “loving yourself” pebble? How were your loved ones responding to that pebble? I bet they are laughing and enjoying life. What a wonderful gift your “loving yourself” pebble gave to your family? Remember, if you can visualize or dream it, you can achieve it! I will go more into that in Simple Secret 7.
Many of you may be having trouble imagining this loving scenario. Maybe you are struggling with the “Loving Yourself First” part. There are various reasons for this struggle. One of them that might be stopping you is a forgiveness issue. You may not be forgiving yourself or someone else. A wise friend once shared with me this statement about forgiveness. “When we do not forgive someone, it is like we are drinking the poison expecting the other person to die.” Not forgiving is toxic to your soul.
Take a moment to think of someone you have not forgiven. Now, how do you feel thinking about them? Is your heart heavy? Do you feel sick to your stomach? Yes, those are the same feelings you encounter when you are being poisoned. Strange, but true. Free yourself by forgiving yourself and others. Forgiving is a sure fire way of filling up your own love cup.
Now, family members seem to be the hardest to forgive. I guess we expect more from them and we are easily disappointed by their actions. We seem to have so many reasons not to forgive them. We may be right not to forgive that family member, but we usually are not happy about it. To many people it is about being right and they take that “rightness” to their graves. Yet, they have been very unhappy people. I do not know about you, but that is not the way I want to live my life.
I had a few issues with a family member. I felt this person had not treated me right and was not there for me when I really needed their support. I held on to the grudge of that injustice for years. I had to be right and in not forgiving them for years, I wondered why my relationship with that person was strained? One day I decided I wanted a better relationship with this family member, so I forgave that person. At last I was free to have the relationship I wanted. I let go of the grudge. I now enjoy my time with this person The rift is gone. I like who I am around this person and before I did not. Yet¸ I no longer have the urge to be right all the time. Being happy is a better fit for me.
I cannot talk about “loving yourself first and the rest will follow” without teaching you the “attitude of gratitude” game. Being grateful for what you have is one of the fastest ways to fill that love cup up. This is how the game is played. Get a pad and pencil. The first time you play, find a quiet place where you can focus on the game. Look around you and see what you have in your life and have gratitude for what you have. Do this by making a list of all the things you are grateful for. For example, the list can look something like this:
1. I am grateful for my job.
2. I am grateful for my children.
3. I am grateful for the food I eat everyday.
4. I am grateful for my loving spouse.
The list can go on for pages once you get on a roll.
Why does this fill up your love cup? Because, in order to play the game you have to be in the present moment. You get to be where your feet are, which is a beautiful and loving place to be. You cannot be in the past or future because you are not going to play with what you had or what you will get later. It is about what you have in your life today. It is the best present you can give yourself. It also helps us to acknowledge the good decisions we have made in our lives. Acknowledging what we have validates our choices. This also empowers us and makes us self-confident to make good decisions in the future. Being empowered and self-confident always fills your love cup.
I have had many students and friends play this game with amazing results. Most of them make the gratitude lists before they go to bed. Going to sleep on a positive note seems to set them up to have joyful day the next day. Don’t take my word for it. Try it for yourself and let me know your results.
If you have a day that you struggle to love yourself for any reason, go back to the first three Simple Secrets, play the gratitude game, or you can STEP BACK and answer these questions to help you fill up your love cup. The last thing to remember, love doesn’t cost a penny and everyone deserves LOVE even YOU.
Joy Secret 4 Step-Back Questions:
1.When was the last time I told myself “I am Enough?”
2.When was the last time I said “No”?
3.Who do I need to forgive to be happy again?
3.When was the last time I gave thanks for what I have in my life right now?
Please journal these results of using this Simple Secret 4 along with the other three Simple Secrets. I hope you are starting to enjoy this empowering process.