Simple Secret 1: “The Only Job You Have is to Manage Yourself” - Part 1
If things go wrong in the world
Something is wrong with me
Therefore if I am sensible
I shall put myself right first.
C.G. Jung
What did your wise mother say to you when you were tattling on your sibling? MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! We heard that time and time again when we were growing up. Now, as adults, it is time to live it and experience the joy from doing so.
Are you ready for Secret No. 1? The only job you have right now is to manage yourself! Or, in other words, mind your own business. In fact, it is the only job you have ever had. That might sound selfish, but it is not. It’s quite the opposite. This goes against everything we thought we were supposed to be as a mother, father, or loved one.
It may be a difficult concept to grasp. We were taught that it was our job to make things better and solve our loved one’s troubles. Our family’s joy depended on us and only us! We are supposed to be the mighty fixers and givers of joy. As you will soon understand, we do not control anyone’s happiness and joy but our own. And, that is a good thing for everyone involved.
When we are happy and joyful, it allows others to find their own joy. Joy is like a cold, the longer you are exposed to it the greater chance you will catch it. Someone once said, “If Mama ain’t happy, then nobody is happy.” The opposite is also true. “If Mama is happy, then everyone can be happy!” To help you understand the importance of “the only job you have is to manage yourself”, let me share with you this airline safety analogy. When we fly, and before we take off, the flight attendant gives us the flight safety briefing. Correct? The attendant instructs the passengers that, “In the event of a sudden change in the cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop at this time. Take the mask and put it on yourself securing it with the elastic strap. Pull on the mask to start the oxygen flow. And, if you are traveling with small children or someone acting like a small child, put the mask on yourself first and then help the child or child-like person with their oxygen mask!”
Imagine this scenario for a moment. If you were not paying attention to the safety briefing and the cabin pressure changes during the flight, the masks will drop. You are trying to put the mask on your child first and you are not getting any oxygen. You become frantic. The child is scared and screaming. You cannot get the mask on your child no matter how hard you try. You are gasping for air and both of you are not getting any oxygen. You both lose consciousness. What a mess! What a drama!
Now, follow “the only job you have is to manage yourself” concept. When the cabin pressure changes, you are now going to do just what the flight attendant instructed you to do. The mask drops and you first take care of yourself by securing your mask. You notice that you are no longer gasping for air. You are now breathing and much calmer. You then grab the child’s oxygen mask and can now effectively support your child with their mask. Wow, success and you both are breathing. Success and no drama! Do you see the picture? This is an example of why the first Simple Secret works. You find your air (joy) first and then you support your love ones to find their air (joy).
You noticed I did not say “easy”. I said “simple”. There is a difference. If you are not doing a great job managing yourself, how can you help others? If you are not living in your own happiness and joy, how can you support anyone else in finding theirs? It is all about leading by example.
When my daughter was suffering so much from depression, nothing I did made much difference. I am sure many of you have experienced this kind of frustration with a member of your family. My health was failing and I was so in the dark. I was just not happy. I was also trying to find happiness for my daughter and my family. Based on results, what I was doing was not working. It took me 8 years of living in that dark energy before I started to look for the light and do something different. I can now laugh at myself. I now see that I must have been slow learner or I had a lot to learn because it took so long to wake up and change my thinking.
Albert Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result”. Yes, I was in my own insanity during those years. If it takes awhile for you to see some changes, be patient with yourself. Stay open as you take these first steps out of the darkness on your journey of self-discovery. You can stay in the dark and continue the insanity or shine bright and light up your world. Remember that you are only managing yourself and you have choices.
When I decide to do make different choices, I really did not know where to start. I read books on thinking differently and attended self-improvement courses. Step by step, I moved into the light and saw that by making different choices I could have new results. My happiness and joy had been covered up by worry, self-doubt and fear caused by being in everyone else’s business. I knew my joy was in me somewhere. I soon became more at peace, and therefore, more accepting.
My husband noticed differences in me. He started taking a few of the same courses that I had taken and also became more accepting. We were happier and much less stressed in our marriage. I then noticed that I was responding to my daughter’s actions in a positive way. The communication between us all became better and we became a stronger support for each other. This is when we all started to heal and become a much more loving family.
I believe we are here to play “The Game of Life”. Like in the board game of Monopoly, sometimes we pass go and get $200 and sometimes we don’t when we draw the “go directly to jail” card. We all must experience the consequences of our actions. We have to wait until WE draw the “get-out-of-jail” card. Nobody can draw that card for us. We are not here to have other people play our life’s game and vice versa. In other words, we are here to “mind our own business”.
Stay tuned for Part II of Simple Secret #1
In Joy,
Vicki
copyright 2007 by Vicki Kallman