Vicki Kallman’s Blog

Last night I experienced a big disappointment. This disappointment put my world into a tailspin. At that moment, I wanted to quit and never try again. From this experience, I became keenly aware that my Joy was so fragile. When I was in that feeling place of disappointment, my world seemed so very dark. It is amazing that it could get so dark so quickly and the energy of that place could be so, so heavy. It seemed to bring all my insecurities and programs about my limiting beliefs forward for me to observe. Ouch- that hurt!

At first I did not want to look at these beliefs but a part of me knew that I would eventually have to do so. I felt resistant to seeing what was really there until this morning. I was definitely the furthest place from joy in those long, dark hours. It seemed as though all the tools I knew to help me move back to my joy were a thousand miles away and locked in a safe, which I did not want to know the combination.

After being in that dark world all night, I woke this morning and realized that it was time to acknowledge those limited beliefs that were brought to the surface with this experience. I needed to see the lessons in it all, too. As my morning progressed, one by one I started using the tools I knew that would allow me to get closer to my joy.

Let me share my process with you in hopes that this will help you some day, when you experience your next disappointment. (You and I know there will be more. That’s the game of life!)

First, I sat still and felt the feelings I was having about the situation. I allowed myself to feel crappy. Once I had done that for a few moments, I decided to let go of that dark emotional energy. First, I asked myself several questions using the “Sedona Method”, an emotional releasing technique. (www.sedona.com) I taught this technique for several years. This is the process. I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. Then I asked myself three simple questions and answered them with the “yes” or “no” with no maybe discussion with myself.
Here are the three questions:
Could I let this feeling go?
Would I let this feeling go?
And when?
After I had answered the questions with “yes”, “yes” and “now”.
I got quiet again and felt the next feeling arise in my awareness. I allowed it and then asked those questions again until the feelings I was experiencing became lighter. I was finally discovering I could respond differently to this disappointment. This also empowered me to go to the next step.

Next I emailed a life coach friend, Janice Marie, and who knew my situation. As I wrote that email I started to realize the lessons that were there in that disappointment. By realizing the lessons, I felt my power returning. Once I had become aware of my lessons, I felt that my journey to joy was no longer miles away and I knew how to get the combination to that safe. Hey, that was better than the night before. Finally, that dark stuff was dissipating. My world became brighter and I could see what I needed to do. My friend wrote back and shared a few other positive insights with me that also helped me shine brighter.

Even though I was feeling much better, I still needed to use another tool to really let it go because I still felt I just needed a couple of more combination numbers to unlock my joy. So the third tool I used was the “gratitude walk” in the park with my pup, Chai. It was an amazingly beautiful day today. As I walked, I gave thanks for everything that was going well with my life. By the end of the walk , I was able to give thanks for my disappointment because of the lessons I had discovered from observing it and letting it go. Wow! What a gift I had given to myself by looking my disappointment right in the eyes. My heart felt full, again.

In the past after a disappointment when I was not aware of any of these wonderful techniques, I would go to a place of victim and pout. And I would also quit and I was not open to find the lesson in any disappointment. I just ran from my disappointments. By responding to my situations as a victim, I gave my power away. It has taken me years to get regain my power. I believe last night a part of me wanted to play the old game and the empowered part of me said, “Grow up – you know more now.” Yep, I do know more now. I can no longer use the victim excuse and revert to the old way. That was not an option.

The final tool I used to unlock my joy was to write about this dark, joyless experience. I have written in journals in the past to help me with this step. However, today I decide to web log my experience, in hopes that my personal disappointment experience could support others to respond to their disappointments in an empowering way instead of a victim. I love to teach and share in this blog. Blogging was just what the doctor ordered to heal my wounds of disappointment and be in my joy again.
Lets recap my steps to my joy:
1) I felt what I was feeling, so I could observe my limiting beliefs.
2) The “Sedona Method” to release the emotional energy so I could find a different way to respond to this disappointment.
3) I emailed a friend and found the lessons in the disappointment that empowered me.
4) I took a “gratitude walk” to fill up again.
5) Because it gives my great joy to teach, I shared my thoughts by journaling in this blog.

Long time ago at my first self-help seminar, the instructor kept repeating, “First, you must become aware before you can change.” This process I shared with you is what supported my awareness and then I chose to change, so I could get back to my joyful life.

In a nutshell, I chose to let go and see the “brighter-side” of disappointment and my joy returned.

If you have any questions about this process, feel free to email me at Vicki@vickikallman.com .

I hope to help you answer the question, “Can I be happy about “the Change”?” I started going through the change in my early 4o’s. Those symptoms were not fun by any means. You know the weight gain, irratitablity, disturbed sleep and of course the “crazy” periods and cycles. I am now 52 and I believe this is going to be my last year of the perimenopause symptoms because my cycles are far in between.

A few years ago a friend gave me the book, “The Wisdom of Menopause, Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing during the Change”, by Christiane Northrup, MD. She also wrote the bestseller, “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom”. Dr. Northrup is a certified OB/Gyn that has gone through the “Change”. Let me tell you I learned so much from this book. Here are a few things I learned. How menopause literally rewires the brain, triggering a shift of priorities from nesting and caretaking to personal growth and equality. Also how the female body adjusts naturally to changing hormones, and how to make personalized decisions about HRT and alternative supplement (bioidentical hormones) and of course how to rebalance your metabolism shifts and prevent that middle age spread. Those are just a few great bits of information I walked away with from reading this book.

It was great tool to educate my husband about menopause. He has been more supportive of what I have to deal with. It also opened up a dialogue for us to discuss my symptoms and for him to realize that my mood swings and all were not about him. He learned that sometimes I just need my space and he gives it to me. The best part about that is - he does not have to fix me but just support me. He loves that.

I have had my physical and emotion health issues during this time but the most exciting thing that has evolved from this experience of menopause is my personal growth. My children are all grown and I work out of my home. I have time to grow. I have with the help of girl friends, personal growth seminars, books, and workshops- become more empowered, more confident, and more vulnerable which has made this time of my life the hardest yet the most rewarding for me personally. Amazing how that all works. I guess my brain has been busy with being rewired to find and empower ME!

Can you be happy about “the change”? Well, it is really up to you. Suffering is optional. Do your homework about this time of your life (get and read the book)- see what out there will work for you and do not be afraid to grow personally. What can you gain by knowing and being a wise, wonderful women? Happiness and joy!