Vicki Kallman’s Blog

Recently, I have had conversations with my good friends about my new website and my concept of joy. They have listened to my ideas and thoughts on the subject. They have agreed that joy was a soulful emotion and they loved feeling joyful. They, also, shared with me that they needed joy in their lives. It was missing from their current situations. It was as though they had not thought of it before. Why hadn’t they noticed that joy was the last emotion they were feeling in a day? I proceeded to ask them, what was going on in their lives? They all answered– “Stress”. Of course, many of these conversations happened around the joyful holiday of Christmas. Yes, that joyful time of the year can be stressful. HA! Anyway, they really did not mention the holidays as the problem. Several of them discussed their jobs and lack of security. Many of them, also, mentioned relationship and money issues. And of course their health problems were up there on the list- like backaches, stomach problems, weight issues, hormonal imbalances and etc. I then asked them this question- did they know how to feel joyful? What do you think the answer was? If you guessed – no, you were wrong. The answer was yes. I asked them why they had chosen stress over joy? They did not have an answer. We humans are such strange creatures. We have chosen to be full of stress and worry instead of happiness and joy. Of course, now that I had brought to their attention what road they were going down, they now have the awareness to choose a different path. Choice is a joyful thing!
Why is stress a joy buster? I believe stress is a joy buster because we are caught up in doings and we are playing the “human doing game”-and we have forgotten that we are human beings. What I mean by that is- when we are in the doing place – we are in our heads totally disconnected from our hearts. From that head place – we can only feel low energy feelings like fear, lust, and anger. These emotions come from believing that we can “do” our way to happiness. It all happens outside our selves. We feel we are controlling our world. Of course, the results were not always what we wanted (stress)- so we continue to try to control and then the next thing you know we are in a worse place then we were in before we started. It becomes a vicious cycle of crazy energy and thoughts. We continue trying to think our way to a resolution. If we continually stay in our heads- we miss out on the solution! Have you ever tried and tried to find your car keys in your house? You looked for hours and still no keys. As soon as you say, forget it and you get the spare car keys, your mind quiets and then suddenly out of nowhere you remember were you left your keys. You were “doing” nothing when you remembered and found the keys. Did you feel like it was magic and weren’t you joyful? When we work in conjunction with our hearts we can become less stressed and more joyful. It takes shifting to that quiet, heart place to feel the joy. Just let go of wanting to think! Try it sometime. Just say – “Can I let go of wanting to think?” Let me know your results.
Did you know that for most people it is only 16 inches from your forehead to your heart? That is such a short distance to joy. I believe we all know how to find joy. We just have to be reminded that it is a short trip. So put joy on the top of your list and step out of your stress-filled mind – take that trip! Enjoy!

Isn’t it amazing that we have to find Joy? Where did your joy go? Did it get lost? How can you lose joy? Sometimes I wonder is joy really so elusive or is it that we have become so wrapped up in doing and having in our lives that being joyful gets lost in the shuffle? Do we feel we do not have enough time to be joyful in a day? Is it our last priority of the day? In this modern times of cell phones, faxes, the internet, emails and instant and quick gratification, have we lost the ability to hold still be grateful for what we have and be in that place of gratitude that will lead to joy? Remember joy is a feeling- when was the last time you allowed yourself to feel anything but stress and negative emotions? Maybe that is the root of this problem.

A wise man once pronounced-”Stop and smell the roses.” Maybe he was giving us direction to joy and happiness. When was the last time you stopped and smelled your roses? When was the last time- you sat on a park bench and watched children laughing and playing in a field? When was the last time you sat at the dinner table with your family and laughed without rushing through dinner ? When was the last time you dared to dream a passion-filled dream that was sparked by that inner place of joy? There are a myriad of ways to find joy as you can well see. Where you find joy is up to you and your personal experiences.

What can you do today to find and feel your joy? I recommend that you first look to your family. Yes, they can be the biggest stress in your life however they can also be the biggest source of joy- if you allow it to happen. Start with watching your children sleep, remember the day your spouse and you decided to get married, the day your children were born, the time when your son or daughter received an award in school or sports, etc… Can you see it can be quite easy?It is really not all that elusive.

When we bring those joyful emotions back they help us fill up and forget the stress of the day. Remember if you are not keeping your joy cup full - you can’t give joy. You can not give what you do not have or feel. And that is a fact!

Personally, I get divine joy from my family. Of course it has not always been this way however I have grown wiser over the years- thank God. I guess there is some advantages of growning more mature- I finally realized the importance of the rose statement. I have discovered that only I can be responsible for my own joy. I have a choice to experience it or not. It’s really up to me. For instance, my 2 year-old grandson feels my joy cup everytime he hugs me. They say grand children are our reward for not killing our children. Ha! There is sometime about the pure innocence of a child. He has not caused me stress and I have not caused him stress and the love and joy flows to each other with out limitations. Wow– wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could do that with everyone we hugged? Maybe if we stay opened to receive that type of joy with everyone we hug, that exchange would happen. In many instances, I feel that exchange with most of my family, however, not all the time. Who is blocking that from happening? Me. I can reject it or receive it. My choice and no others.

Like I mentioned earlier- your joy is up to you- you control it. You control how you feel. My wish for you in this new year is that you to put joy at the top of your list everyday. Then sit back and watch how your world will change for the better. Remember true success does not come without joy!

In Joy,

Vicki

I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.
Where? Down in my heart!
Where? Down in my heart!
I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart,
down in my heart
down in my heart to stay.

As a little girl raised in the 50s and 60s, I would sing this song in Sunday school. Like the other children in class, I would sing it at the top of my lungs as loud as possible. I absolutely loved that song. If felt it was my song because it made me feel so good and most of all joyful. For some reason, I just knew it connected me to my heart and soul when I sang it. I did not care if I sang off key- I was in the joy of it. I was being me! This is coming from someone who is completely tone deaf- ask anyone in my family and they will confirm this statement. I have always felt this song allowed me to sing like a songbird! As a child I could easily feel joyful. Of course today, I still sing this song with some joy- just not nearly as loud as possible- isn’t it interesting with age I have limited my joy because I care what people think–hmm? Something to ponder- what other joyful opportunities have I missed because I am an approval seeking adult?- kind of scary thought. Maybe I need to ask myself - what is joy? What is my definition of joy?
My dictionary says joy is the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something good or satisfying: keen pleasure. I believe it is more than that- I guess you can say everyone’s definition of joy will be somewhat different due to there life’s experiences. Maybe that is what happened to me - maybe my life experiences got in the way of feeling all my joy. Helen Kellar once said, “Joy is the holy fire that keeps our purpose warm and our intelligence aglow.” I have to concur with her- joy is something that warms my heart and soul. Joy connects me to my divine self. I feel joy is the truth of what I am. I once read that, “Joy goes deeper than mere happiness and beyond any circumstance.” I believe joy is the reason we are here having this human experience.
What is your definition of joy? Dr. Wayne Dyer, the author of “The Power of Intention.” loves to remind us, “Do not die with your song still in you.” I want to take it one my step- “Do not die with your joy still in you.” Go sing at the top of your lungs and be joyful! Start with singing ” I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!” at the top of your lungs-I plan to!